Why My Son Will Always Date Black Women

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Courtesy of @CliffBreazzy

This meme made my blood boil.  Scratch that. It made all the liquids in my body solidify into pure rock hard hatred. The fact that anyone would make such misogynistic and racist statements and that others joined in and continued the thread made me want to throw my phone out a window. And what actually turned my stomach completely was realizing that this series of tweets, this avalanche of asinine, was created by and perpetuated through Black men.

The amount of self-hating, surreptitiously hotep, ignorance spewing Black men in this country seems to be at an all time high. I am not saying ALL black men think this way; what I’m saying is that it’s starting to feel like weather forecasts should read, “Highs in the low 90’s with a 85% chance of bullshit intraracist ass memes predicted for this afternoon. Beware of raining sexism with hails of colorism coming from due north.”

From Black women’s bodies (apparently the White man lied to us and convinced us we needed periods) to our hair (natural is cool as long as with shrinkage you have a mane the size of Texas) to our skin (melanin apparently only severely pops when it is manila colored) it seems as though some Black men have taken to the tweets to proclaim war on Black women. And I for one WILL NOT have that in my house. Nosireebob. If my son EVER even attempts to even think about Black women as anything less than the goddesses we are I will literally shove my foot so far up his ass he will have to poop through his eyeballs. (Ok that was gross and too far but you get the picture.)

But seriously, WTF is going on? How did we go from building families beyond the boundaries and permission of masters who tried to destroy us to clasping hands while watching crosses burned on the front lawns of houses we built together to harmonizing in protest as we shielded each other from dogs and water hoses to this? Abject hatred of each other. We are literally the only “race” of people I know who openly hate each other. Who write songs, memes, television shows that reflect the internalization of the white supremacy that once physically enslaved us and now mentally keeps us bound. When does it end? Where the hell did it come from?

It is most certainly a byproduct of institutionalized racism and white supremacy. Slavery literally ripped the fabric of our families apart and made practice the separation of the Black man and woman.  With slave masters who did as they pleased with the Black woman’s body and Black men powerless to defend us it created what I believe is a deep seated fear of loss.  Many Black men essentially said, “Let’s build a wall where we once held love for Black women so we can never be hurt when they are taken away.” But if we were smart and strong enough to get out of slavery we are more than capable of destroying this mentality within ourselves. But first, we need to actually acknowledge this is a problem. I have had too many conversations trying to convince a brother that this is a thing and that it’s hurtful only to be told I’m whining, too sensitive or just outright the angry Black woman.

Looking at this meme it also seems like many of the participants are young Black men and so you may ask yourself, “Who is teaching them this?” Honestly, we are. When we have to argue about the right to not be labeled and objectified by our own men, we do. When we have the mentality that the individual is more important than the collective and don’t reach back to teach them, we do. When we speak poorly of the mothers of our children calling them everything but a child of God on TV and promote baby mama stereotypes we do. When we happily joke about team dark skin and team light skin as though during slavery we weren’t ALL on the same losing team, we do.  I can’t keep arguing with these hotep trolls so instead I’ve decided to raise a son who is conscious, connected and compassionate.

I want him to love and date women who look like this…



And this…

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And this…

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And this…

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And this…

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And this…

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(Sorry, I just couldn’t stop because they’re all so gorgeous!)

And so, he has been trained to remember these things:

Beauty comes in all forms. Notice I said my son will always date black women not only date black women. In my household we learn that everyone is beautiful. He is being taught to appreciate the beauty of uniqueness, the joy in variety and the elegance in our differences.  He can date whoever he wants because ALL women are beautiful. Yes, it can hold true that things which look different can be equally beautiful; we don’t despise lilies because we have orchids so why do this to people? Would I love for him to bring home a Black wife and have beautiful milk dud babies for me to play with? Of course! But what I need him to do is respect the essence of womanhood in all its forms which includes beauty in all shapes, sizes and colors. Period.

Never add injury to insult. Hotep brothers forever emphasizing the prevalence of the White man as though he is one singular omnipresent, omnipotent being ruling over the job selection process or determining who gets to wear a du-rag in public.  But giving that much power to an enemy seems antithetical to the cause to me.  And continually using your words to assert the same absolute power over the women in your community seems extra counterproductive.  Why break us down when “the White man” has already done that?  Why tear us apart when our limbs are already torn asunder?  My son learns to reach a hand to those lying on the ground, not kick them in the face for pleasure. And yes, Black men, I’m saying that when you label us, degrade us and call us names you are figuratively kicking us in the face while we are already down.  Does that hit home for ya?

Misogyny comes in all forms. Once I saw a young man on the street calling out to a girl I guess he thought he knew who proceeded to ignore him.  His cries of, “Dumb b@#$h! I know you hear me!” could be heard throughout our entire block.  I immediately turned to Miles and said, “If you ever….” to which he calmly interjected, “Mom, I was raised by a community of women and  feminists. Believe me, I know better.” I have never felt prouder in the entirety of my natural life.  To know that he understands all my rants on the patriarchal oppression of American society just warms my heart.  He understands that sexism is not just believing that women are unequal but also relegating us to labels and roles that do not comply with our ability to rule the world.  He also understands that ANY generalization of ANY type of woman is a crime against ALL women.  Mama done good.

You stand on the shoulders of Black women. I think men often disassociate other women from their mamas. Or, a rough history/relationship with their mamas fosters hatred toward other women. But I’m my son’s mama. And for all my mistakes that little boy knows that I love him enough to jump into a volcano and fish out a diamond ring for him.  Ain’t no little Black boy in my house gonna grow up hating women like me because he knows without me he’d be nothing.  And without my mama we’d both be nothing and without her mama we’d all be nothing and so on and so forth.  He understands that the reason he gets to walk this Earth today is because of strong Black women like me who raised, nurtured, supported, guided and loved our communities.  And I’m going to make sure he never forgets it, even if we have to watch Roots every day for THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

Y’all wonder why some of us (including myself) just say, “Fuck it. Marriage is clearly not an option so Imma just make this paper and get my tubes tied.” Y’all wonder why we’re so angry and why we become defensive. Because. This. This. With Twitter names like “Malik” and tongues like men with confederate flags on their pick up trucks we are literally sick of trying. We gotta do better as a people but some of us ladies are getting real tired… I spend my life telling black men, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important” and all I hear back is, “You is ugly, you is dumb, you do not matter”. I’m tired and done.

So you want me to keep posting things like this ….

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Then do this ….


Cuz we too badass a people for this bullshit.

*Drops mic and moves to private island using collected child support* (For any Black man who just read that, don’t come for me today. Child support is nowhere near equivalent to a loving present father (which my child has) and it is nowhere near enough to move to a private island. I can barely fly to Newark with that money. Fall back, bruh.)


2 thoughts on “Why My Son Will Always Date Black Women

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